No Life

It's the end of June, and I haven't done JACK with my summer. I'm lazy, it's hot, and it's boring. Nothing better to get fat, and sleep. ><>
I shower, but I do nothing with my hair, which makes it get dirtier faster. I need to straighten my hair. Fml.

As for him. I don't think of him anymore. And I could give a shit less about him. He was like any one else,.. a heartbreaker. I'm "fat". So that's my name now. No one will listen to me anymore, when I need to talk to them.
The one thing I hate about summer is how everyone ELSE chagnes. Growing up is happening too fast. Getting behind the wheel of a car, taking care of myself when it comes to responsibility, and eating.
High School's already in the middle of progressing, and I feel like it's already almost over.. Sophomore year's going to fly, just as fast as Freshman year did.. except faster.
I just wish it would slow down.
I'm not ready to be an adult but yet I am. I want everyone around me to mature, and realize that their stupid drama isnt' important anymore. What is important is, raising a family, money, and college.
I don't think they'll realize it until it hits them in the face.

I'm tired.
Bye.

I'm Holding Back

I never thought I could do it, because I still think you're irrisistable. Things are totally different compared to what they were. I guess I'm just desperate, is all.
School is now over, and done with, and I feel a big weight lifted OFF my shoulders, and I don't think it could get any better then that. Passing all my classes, makes things even more better. Better then having to spend 150$ for each class I may have failed. Next year, I'm promising myself to stay on top of things in class. It's just going to take some extra work, that I know I can handle, but just don't like admitting it.
We're needing a "break." When I think it's heartbreaking to say in my case. Considering you're my best friend. I just feel so abandoned. Because for the moment being, I have no one to talk to when I need it. Which means I have to absorb the negative without anyone to let me exhale it.
My choices, are fail. Nothing can stop me now from making my choices now. It's not going to have a hell of a difference. I don't feel there's any different if I make the wrong choices or not. I don't know, I know I'll be smarter. If I make choices, I'll be smarter with them. Because I have the guts to say no now. Because I've learned better.


Life
Life
Life
Sucks.

I can't think of a title

I don't know if I'm happy, miserable, or mad. I wish I wasn't the way I was, or else I'd never feel like this.
I feel like my whole earth's crashing, when it's really not. "Life sucks", I guess. I just feel I'll never be happy with one person. That every guy I may have feelings for, just wants me for sexual reasons. When I'm not even that attractive, my god.
I'm trying to resist talking to you. It's hard, but I'm doing it. Yet, I have to see you next weekend for my iPod. Sitting in that room again's probably going to be the hardest. Sometimes, when I sit in a room that gives me memories, I have flash backs, big time. Me, having flash backs in that room, just might tear me apart. Especially since, I know I'm nothing but a pain in your ass anymore.
I always push them away, when I'm trying to get closer. I'm desperate. That's the only word I can think of.

FML

Lately..

My emotions have been everywhere from up and down. I find it good. But yet annoying, and I want it to stop.

My birthday was amazing. Though I think it definitely could've been better. Of course it rains. &&a few of my guests couldn't come, or didn't show up. D:
Luckily we ate all the food we bought. So it was perfect. :)
I have the best, best friend in the world. I recall her telling me I have three surprises for me. The first one, was that she stuffed my locker with balloons. The second was, she gave my second hour a cupcake to give to me. :))))
Then finally after school, she brought me my gift. It had three things in it. A coloring book? A barbie doll???? And HSM3!! :D So you can guess which was my favorite. Lol. I'm kidding. I loved them all. Just cuz they're from her. (:
No one else would have done that for me. NONE of my old best friends would've done that. I guess I'm just lucky. :]
I love her. :D

I'm done with you. But I'm having dreams about you. It just sucks that I had to do this to myself. You're right.. I wish we never met. Then this would've never happened. Too bad you treat my like shit now. I'm used to it, unfortunately.

YOU.. on the other hand annoy the shit out of me. There's nothing to say other then, you have the feeling constantly to do everything I do. Which is why I never talk to you anymore. Because you'll always find a way to do the same things I do. Having sex isn't cool. And you shouldn't do it just because I did. Just.. stop. My god.

Six more days till school's out. And I'm just counting down. But at the same time, I'd rather be in school then be here everyday. Oh well, I'm getting Kayla out of her house.. and she's getting me out of mine.
Sucks I have to go to Maine. I really really really really really really really really don't want to go.
FML

Tomorrow

Is going to be amazing? So I hope. I'm supposed to get a big surprise from Kayla, when it's probably not that big. Lol. And she says, "Oh, you'll probably cry. You'll love me forever." Haha, hopefully she's right. :)
I redyed my hair, because it was fading,and you could see my previous mess. xD
I got all the crap I need for the party.. and Haley and Allysha are 99% sure they're coming. I finally told them both off, that I'm tired of the drama. And that if they dont' come, then I don't care. But Haley apologized and said she's coming for me. Pinky swear.
I never break pinky swears. And they mean a lot to me. I'll be pissed if she breaks it. But I don't thinks he will. I just hope this party's amazing. I cleaned like a mofo today till I sweat. And the place looks really nice so far. Just needs a little more cleaning tomorrow after school. Because no doubt, the boys'll trash the place when they get home tonight. What else is new?
The thing that's making me kind of sad though is, tomorrow's the Special Olympics at school. And a lot of people are participating, like Kayla. And a lot of others are skipping because as it is, no one's going to be in class. And I don't want to skip my birthday. So I'm going to be a little lonely tomorrow walking in the halls. D: Oh well, later, after school Kayla comes ASAP.. and we get ready for the party. We have about 500 water balloons to fill. I'm pissed though, because the kitchen sink doesn't have a screw on it, so I can't put the water filler thing on it. Me and Kayla are going ot have to take turns with the hose. laskdfjlasd. Oh well.. we'll figure something out. We always do :)

Going to rinse my hair dye out.

Tomorrow!<3
:D

Do you care?

I just spilled something so hard to tell you out, and you have nothing to say?
And I try to talk to you about it. And you still don't do anything about it?
I don't know, I'm too the point of giving up. When I really don't. I know it's what YOU want though. But if you want to hurt me, then I'll leave.

The party's this close to being cancelled.. But not really.
Just STOP CAUSING DRAMA BEFORE THE PARTY'S EVEN STARTED.
Thanks for making my birthday amazing.<3

not.

There's nothing much to say really;

What can I say for today?;

My Mondays are never that bad.. except for the fact that I found out that I've turned into a royal bitch because I hang out with Kayla. Well sorry, I'm not giving up my best friend, just to make everyone happy. Maybe I'm a bitch because you annoy the fuck out of me. Or maybe it's because I'm stubborn.. but I've always been like that. So. It doesn't make a difference.

Love on the other hand.. is gone. I used to think that "Friends with benefits" was stupid. But if it's what I have to do to get any love out of him, I'm taking it. So that's what we came to the conclusion with. It's not as bad as what I THOUGHT it was.. because of a certain past experience. At least I'm not "friends with benefits" with half the school. Just one person.
This won't hurt me, nor will I fall for him. Just keeping things sane. Because I'm tired of crying. After I thought I couldn't cry anymore.

My birthday's Friday. And I'm really really excited. A good chunk of people are coming. Maybe minus two, if they keep up the bitching with me. They can also find their own fucking ride home. Because I'm sick of doing them that favor when they're going to sit there and blame my best friend for me becoming a bitch. News Flash! You annoy me.. so see above ^^.
Anyways.. that's besides the point.. All my good friends there.. with 3/4 of them staying the night. Though I'm scared I'll be the first one to fall asleep. xD I'm sure I'll get a good slap in the face. Maybe I'll take a stay awake pill. Shh.. Lol :). I just wish George would come. That'd make my birthday #1. 15-20 People there. It's a party!! And I'm excited. Many people are getting me gifts. Like Kayla's boyfriend. I think it's really sweet of him. :)

Life's okay right now. <3


Hey, I guess I did have a good chunk of crap to say. :D